There For You
by PrincessFerdinand
Summary: A series of oneshots between Bella and the minor Cullens - namely, all the Cullens besides Edward and Alice, including Jacob and Nessie.
1. Chapter 1

**New story time! Hooray! Bella and Jasper talk Thoreau. For those of you who don't know who he is (I thought he was pretty well-known, but maybe I was wrong), Thoreau was a nineteenth-century American philosopher and writer. By far his most famous book is Walden, which is about him living in the woods alone. Off we go!**

The room was very calm. Sunlight shone in through the windows and cast the little dust motes into even greater contrast from the air; probably even Bella's eyes could see them.

Alice sat beside me, silken head resting on my shoulder, one hand on my thigh. I glanced down at her every now and again, and her eyes were closed, lips parted slightly, as though sleeping. I knew she was breathing in my scent to help her concentrate as she picked through the visions that flooded her mind.

With Alice so close, her loving emotions filling me and multiplying my own tenfold, it was hard to focus on my book. There was only one author who could keep me focused now. Henry David Thoreau.

Alice was incredulous that, after so many times of picking through my dilapidated copy of his works, I could still be entertained by him, but I was. Though truthfully, entertained was the wrong word. I did not read Thoreau for enjoyment; I read him for answers.

Edward sat at his piano, playing a delicate, tinkling song that, for once, was not Bella's lullaby. Bella sat beside him on the bench, hands clasped in her lap. Her hair was down, flowing loosely over her shoulders. It covered her neck, and I was glad of that. Though it seemed to me that maybe the dry ache of my throat was less pronounced than it usually was while Edward's human sweetheart was around, it still couldn't hurt if I was unable to see the pulse beating in her neck, counting out the blood that was just a few layers of skin away...

_Stop it, Jasper..._ I told myself, and I was very pleased when I was able to force myself away from the tantalizing scent of her skin. Maybe I was finally getting some of the self-control the rest of my family found so easily? Or maybe I was just very used to her mouth-watering presence in the five months she'd been with Edward.

I turned my attention back to Thoreau.

I had read every thing he had ever written - the broken spine, well-marked pages, and worn cover of my book could attest to that - and still, he had given me no answers. I had found so many passages I could apply to my life but still, that didn't seem to be enough.

I had gone to college four times in my time with the Cullens. Three of those four, I had majored in philosophy. I would have majored the fourth time, too, but it might have been noticed - a Jasper Cullen majoring four times in the same subject at four very prestigious schools in the span of thirty years? So I had majored in English the last time, hoping to gain new insight into other authors I hadn't studied so worshipfully but still made the occasional comment on human nature, such as Steinbeck. Though, if you wanted to be precise, it wasn't _human_ nature I was interested in but life, or existence, itself.

But unfortunately, Thoreau, nor any other author I had found, had any answers for me - at least, none that I had found so far. I had searched his work hundreds of time over, looking for double meanings in every word, every phrase, every idea - and found nothing.

Still I looked, because still I yearned to _know _the answers to my questions - those "big" ones that only an elite few even tried to tackle, but personalized to fit my somewhat abnormal life. Why did I have Alice? Why should I follow Carlisle's lifestyle? And most importantly, why could Maria and others like her kill so mercilessly, while my conscience would plague me for months after I made a any sort of human kill? What I wanted to know even I wasn't sure, but there was something, some elusive pull that kept me coming back to Thoreau. Was it all the violence that I had suffered and inflicted that made me so philosophical now?

_Aim above morality. Be not simply good, be good for something, _the tiny print on the page said. Was I interpreting that the wrong way when I applied it to my new lifestyle? I tried to be good on my own, before I had met Alice, but that obviously hadn't worked. Then she had come, and suddenly I had something to be good for other than my own damaged, immune conscience. She had been the reason I had started to succeed at abstaining. How many times had I seen her beautiful face shatter when she took in the vile new color of my eyes? That had helped me, during the school day, helped me to hold my breath, to find the will to stay strong and resist. Alice had shown me how to aim above morality.

_Never smother your sorrow,_ I read, flipping ahead, maybe even to a new book or essay, it didn't matter, _but tend and cherish it till it comes to have separate and integral interest. To regret deeply is to live afresh. _Yes, I felt regret. Deep, hollow regret that comes when you've killed thousands of nameless, faceless individuals who will never live, nor laugh, nor love again. And I had certainly dwelled on my sorrow long enough. How often had Alice woken me from a daze in which I was drowning in shame and guilt and comforted me with her soft caresses and gentle words? Yet I could never be sure that all my sorrow and regret would never 'come to have separate interest'.

I was about to read the next sentence, but Alice's voice, as it so often did, cut into my thoughts and shattered my morose musings with its clear beauty.

"It's all right, Bella. You can ask him." I looked up, startled. Alice was looking at Bella, amused. Bella's face was red, and my throat reacted to that, maybe more than it should have if I really was getting better at desisting human blood. I felt my muscles tense automatically, and I worked to loosen them as Alice rubbed my kneecap soothingly.

Edward's playing cut off. He put his arm around Bella and said, "What is it?" He obviously assumed that it was himself to whom Alice was referring. I was just about to return to my book when Bella spoke.

"Er, I..." she stuttered, glancing over at me nervously. "I was just wondering what Jasper was reading."

I didn't know what she was so embarrassed about. Obviously she had already made up her mind to ask me, or Alice wouldn't have been able to call Bella out about it. Perhaps she had been wavering over the decision for a while. Maybe it was the bluntness that bothered her. Well, she would have to get used to Alice's way if she was going to stay with Edward long.

But it was curious that she had cared enough, had even noticed enough, to ask me anything. All the humans I had ever come into contact with had been dull, unobservant, and uncaring - most of them probably wouldn't have noticed that I even had a book out, much less care enough to ask me what it was.

Or maybe the reason she had asked was because she was too scared of me not to go through with it. Her original intention was just an errant decision. There _was _a mild frightened undertone to her embarrassment, but those two emotions often came together in humans. And why would Bella be scared of me? I was no different than Edward - though, of course, she had heard, and maybe even seen, for all I knew - myself and Emmett killing James that day in the ballet studio.

It could have been just that I was a vampire in general that scared her, I supposed, but she wasn't scared of Edward or Carlisle or even Emmett. I was fairly sure I hadn't done anything too frightening this summer, nothing that the others hadn't done, too. I had moved too quickly many a time, of course, but only in the house, and my skin had glittered in the light reflected in from the windows, but according to Edward, she found this beautiful, not frightening.

Perhaps she was scared because Edward had told her I was to be feared. Not directly, of course. He would never be so discourteous. But if he told her I found our 'vegetarianism' difficult...

Something that had been annoying Alice recently was how I over thought things, and I caught myself doing it now. Did it _really_ matter why Bella had asked, or why she was afraid? Did I _really_ have to run through every plausible theory in my mind trying to find the answer? _No_, Alice would say, _and you'll probably find out soon enough anyway_. _In fact, I know you will. _I smiled at the thought.

Whatever the reason for her fear, I saw Edward's arm tighten around Bella as he read back her emotions from me. Bella tried to relax into Edward's shoulder while she waited for my answer, but her battle wasn't going so well. I helped her out, almost without thinking about it. Edward mouthed a _thank you_ from over her head.

Alice nudged me, and I realized that I had been so preoccupied with Edward and Bella's emotions and my own theories about them that I had forgotten to answer.

Smiling a little ruefully, I held up _The Complete Works of Henry David Thoreau_.

"Thoreau?" Bella squeaked, barely loud enough for a human to hear. She couldn't suppress the little grimace that flitted across her face, and though her face smoothed out in just half a second, her emotions did not.

"Is that a bad thing?" I asked, amused.

"No, no....it's just, I..."

"Bella, have you ever read Thoreau?" I asked somewhat condescendingly. Many humans, I knew, were turned off from him just because of his reputation as being a philosopher. They established that word with _boring_ and _hard to understand _in their minds, while in reality, Thoreau's writing was not so hard to get through. For a vampire, at least, though I supposed that the two minds were so very different from each other that it was hard to compare them.

"Yes," Bella said indignantly, and her chin came up slightly as the rest of her embarrassment evaporated and was replaced by indignity. "We read _Walden_ in tenth grade English. And I did a little more reading outside of school."

"And did you like him?"

"Well..." She bit her lip, looked down at her lap, twisted her hands together before answering. Such human responses. "He seemed a bit too long-winded, you know?"

In truth, I had never found Thoreau very long-winded at all, but I politely agreed. "Nevertheless, he had some good advice. Would you disagree with, _'_It is best to avoid the beginnings of evil?'"

"That's not a very original idea," she frowned. "People have been pointing that out for hundreds of years."

I laughed aloud. "So they have. But what about, 'Nature is full of genius, full of the divinity; so that no snowflake escapes its fashioning hand'?"

I was showing off, just a little bit. I knew Thoreau like the back of my hand, and I wanted to show Bella that. I could quote Thoreau all day, and back up the quotes to boot. I highly doubted she could do the same.

But Bella surprised me. "Thoreau wasn't always right, though," she disagreed, still wary. "What about 'Old deeds for old people, and new deeds for new'? You're old. I don't know _how_ old, but old enough. Do you think that just because of that, you should not be allowed to do anything new?"

Edward and Alice laughed together, harmonizing with each other. No one had ever been either interested or brave enough to stand up to me on this point, and Bella's logic was sound.

This was a new side of Bella, one I had never seen before. In Phoenix, she had been nearly silent, speaking very quietly only when spoken to, never voicing her own opinion except in those two outbursts when she expressed her concern over our family's safety. I hadn't known there was another side to Bella beside the meek side, though Edward had sworn there was one. I wondered if this was what she was like all the time with him.

On a side note, I was very pleased how easy it was to talk with her normally. Much easier than it had been in Phoenix, where every motion I made, every breath I took, every word I spoke had to be measured with how much self-control I had left. That had been exhausting. This was enjoyable.

"Well, I'd be the first to admit that Thoreau doesn't always get everything right," I replied amiably. 'Beware of any enterprises that require a new set of clothes.' Obviously, _that's_ not true," I said, resting my hand on top of Alice's hair. She elbowed my side and stuck out her tongue.

Bella laughed nervously.

Silence for a moment, unlike the one a few minutes ago. This one was awkward, pregnant. After a few agonizing moments, Edward took his arm from Bella's shoulder and began playing the same piece again, picking up effortlessly from where he had left off.

I went back to my Thoreau, but I found it hard to concentrate. Had I finally found my match in literature with this little human girl? I was always thirsting for someone to talk to about my philosophy. Edward and Carlisle both found philosophy a dry subject, and were both too stuck in their own convictions, while it seemed Bella found it dry too, she at least seemed willing to talk to me about it, and was far more open-minded.

The room sank back into restful peace, and Alice nestled her head once more upon my shoulder, and the afternoon was relaxing once more.

**Thanks to TheSingingGirl for the awesome betaing, as usual (You're right, that word should be in the dictionary). To show my thanks, I wrote you a limerick:**

**There once was a Girl named TheSinging,  
And she did not like the phone ringing  
So one day she came home  
And she beat up that phone  
And now it makes just a small dinging.**

**Haha! Don't you love it!**

**Also, the name of the story is after the Flyleaf song, which is really beautiful if you haven't heard it. But I don't really think it's the best fit, so if you have any better ideas, tell me. Ideas about future chapters, too.**

**Review, please!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Emmett and Bella play chess! Based off pg. 143 of Midnight Sun on SM's website. Thanks to TheSingingGirl.**

Normally, I would have gone with Edward and Jasper when they had left to go hunting yesterday night, but when Edward had shown up at the house unexpectedly, Rose had glared at him and then at me, daring me to go along. Obviously, she had something deliciously dirty up her sleeve. Edward had groaned, obviously at _her_ thoughts (okay, so maybe it was mine), rolled his eyes, and turned to Jasper. Within minutes they were gone.

Sure enough, last night Rosalie had locked her hand around my wrist, pulled me along behind her toward the bedroom, a seductive gleam in her eye, and, well, let's just say she didn't disappoint…

But now, it was the next morning, and I was bored. There was nothing to do with Edward and Jasper gone, and they wouldn't be getting back until Sunday night. Bella was a little mad – after all, they had only been married for a little more than four years and they weren't even close to being out of their lovey-dovey, must-be-touching phase. It was in all honesty pretty annoying, but whenever Edward caught me thinking that he would make some smart comment about Rose and me and then I would tackle him and we would end up breaking something and then Esme would get pissed and…well, it just wasn't worth the effort anymore.

What also sucked was the deal we had all made with each other about a year ago, after Rose had walked in on Jasper and Alice one too many times, and Esme on Edward and Bella, and Carlisle on Rose and me, and Bella on Carlisle and Esme…to be honest, even I had to admit it had been getting a little out of hand. So Carlisle had called a family meeting and the end result of it was: no sex in broad daylight, unless you were in your own house. Which gave Bella and Edward the advantage because they were still living apart from us, keeping up with the whole Nessie-is-our-kid thing. It had been agreed that we would stay in our new home – Portland, Maine – until Nessie graduated from high school to give her some semblance of a normal education. Since she had just started ninth grade this year, it wouldn't be long now.

Bella and Edward had been really worried about how fast she grew, that it wouldn't allow Nessie to have a normal education. Finally they decided to tutor her themselves up until high school, and then they could do a test year, blame how fast she grew on puberty, and see if anyone got suspicious. So far, just a couple months in, of course, nobody had noticed anything, according to Edward.

Jacob lived with us and pretended to be in high school, too, but he and Nessie weren't going out yet. He still hadn't told her that he'd imprinted, though the date was set – her junior year. Jacob had been pushing for sophomore, since that's how old he'd been when he started being a werewolf, but Edward had stuck fast. He was such an overprotective father, it was hilarious.

The whole thing made me think it was almost time to have Marriage Number Seven with Rose…a year or two more, maybe, till we were "out" of high school, and then we would have a house to ourselves again…ah, that would be nice. No more stupid rules of daylight to bother us then…

Anyway, the whole conclusion with it all was, Rose was off-limits until tonight and there was nobody here to do anything with. I thought about setting up chess and inviting Carlisle to play, but he had never bothered to learn the special complex game with the eight boards Jasper and I had invented, and normal chess was just too boring. There was no point to playing with Alice, as she crushed me, every single time. I hadn't played chess with her in years. Rosalie and Esme didn't find the game interesting at all. And that left…nobody.

I flopped on the couch and started flipping through the channels, trying to find something to suck up the time. Man vs. Wild…what a boring show. Wife Swap was on Lifetime, a show I had always found mildly entertaining, much to the disgust of Edward but it was one I had seen dozens of times. Hannah Montana marathon on Disney…tempting, but no. An old rerun of Family Guy? Perfect. I myself couldn't stand the show, but I knew Carlisle hated it just as much as I did, if not more. This would be sure to rouse him down from his office…

Smirking, I turned the volume up so he wouldn't be able to ignore it and settled back to wait.

After just a few moments, I heard footsteps on the stairs and studiously kept my eyes on the animated characters on the screen, as though I was fascinated by the stupid comedy. Until that someone flopped down beside me.

I looked over, startled. It was Bella. Actually, I'd kind of forgotten about her. Since Edward was gone and Nessie was out for the day with Jacob, she'd come over to the house so she wouldn't be in an empty house all day.

"Family Guy, Emmett? Really?" she said scornfully, raising her eyebrows.

I looked around, furtively searching for any signs Carlisle was near and might overhear my scheme. I leaned toward her, hoping the TV would muffle my words. "Carlisle hates it," I whispered, a goofy smile on my face.

She laughed.

"Shh!" I shushed her frantically. What if he overheard?

Then suddenly something occurred to me. I could play chess with _Bella_!

I couldn't believe the thought had never occurred to me before! Obviously, since none of the other girls liked to play, I had assumed she wouldn't either. But maybe she would!

"Bella!" I said. She looked at me, startled by the sudden enthusiasm. "Do you wanna play chess with me?"

She looked doubtful. "Chess? I don't know…I'm not very good."

"All the better!" Make up for all those times she beat me in arm-wrestling.

Much to my embarrassment, Bella had beaten me a total of seventy-three times before finally I had smashed her hand into the rock. Rose had been so proud of me and I had been so delighted that that night had been, well, _interesting_ to say the least.

One of the worst parts of losing to her so many times was that she didn't even _care_. When I finally beat her, she had just shook out her hair, laughed, and had gone to stand with Edward to watch my victory dance. What was the point in celebrating when the other side didn't even _care_?

This would be so much better, though. Less physical games were way more Bella's thing and if she "wasn't very good" then undoubtedly she would lose. Maybe she would be more competitive in this.

"Come on," I wheedled, and she wavered. "I don't know…"

"Come on!" I repeated, grabbed her wrist, and dragged her to the back wall, by the computers.

"Wait here," I instructed, and ran off to where we kept the huge folding table that held the eight chess sets. I was careful not to drag it on the ground, because Esme would definitely kill me if I scratched the floors.

I brought the table out, set it up, then ran back to bring out the sets.

"Here – help me set these up," I instructed Bella, and reluctantly she started to set up the sets into a square.

Rosalie wandered in from the garage, where she had been working on her car _again_. Most of the time I would go out there with her, just to keep her company, but sometimes I put my foot down. Cars were just _not_ my thing. Sure, I loved to go fast as much as the next person – well, vampire, I guess – and they had their other uses, too, but I didn't see the point of seeing how the cars worked. Wasn't it enough that they did?

"What are you doing, Emmett?" she questioned exasperatedly, looking between me and Bella.

"Teaching Bella to play chess!" I said excitedly.

Rosalie rolled her eyes. "Escape while you can," she whispered to Bella as she walked by. Bella smiled at her.

I was glad that Rosalie and Bella now seemed as close as they were to Alice. When Bella had first come, I had worried that I would have to choose between Rosalie and the rest of the family, and that was a choice I didn't want to make. Luckily, most of the animosity between them had evaporated with the birth of Nessie, and anything that was left had been healed in the past four years.

"So, it's just like normal chess," I started to explain. "Wait – you do know how to play that, don't you?"

"Yes," she nodded. "Though I haven't really played that ."

"That's okay. Now, it's like normal chess except the queens can change direction while they're moving, but they can never be within two spaces of any piece besides the one they're attacking and the kings have to be hit twice and…" Quickly, I explained the complicated set of rules with all its loopholes and exceptions to Bella. When I was done, she nodded slowly.

"Okay…I think I get it," she said.

We started playing. I took two of Bella's pawns and a knight quickly, but then she tightened up defensively and the game started to slow down.

About half an hour into the game, I noticed a loophole a moment too late and Bella took advantage of it, taking out my bishop.

I swore. Bella laughed. "Am I going to beat you in this, too, _big brother_?" she asked mockingly.

I clenched my teeth together and saw Bella's rook, standing out in the relative open. I took it with my second bishop without thinking about. That was, until I saw Bella's queen, waiting to pounce. Within moments, my second bishop was gone, and me and Bella were pretty much tied – I had more pieces than she did, but she had taken out my more valuable pieces.

She didn't comment this time, biting down on her lower lip, brushing her hair behind her ear and inspecting the board.

The game stretched on. Usually with Jasper it would take four or five hours to complete, but I had been expecting that it would be much shorter than that with Bella, considering her self-proclaimed disadvantage. But this was three and a half hours and counting. I still had two more pieces than Bella, but they were both pawns.

I took Bella's king for the first time. The rules were that after being hit, the king had to go to the far left corner of the board. Then, he was allowed to move once. This was a tricky part of the game, because you had to constantly keep that area defended if your king was sent there. If the area was deserted and your king was banished there, the game was virtually over. The vast majority of the time the other queen would take the king for the second time easily and you would lose.

Bella had obviously already figured this out because sure enough, she had a pawn – her last one, actually – blocking my path to the king. I took her pawn with my rook, preferring not to put my queen in harm's way.

When Bella took _my_ king the first time, I was shocked. Either she was better than she thought, or she hadn't played at all since becoming a vampire and therefore didn't realize how much easier it was to play as one. Maybe it was a combination of the two.

For the first time, I realized I was in true danger of losing. Jasper and Edward would never let me live it down. I shuddered at the prospect, and went back to analyzing the game with renewed vigor.

The game passed the four-hour mark, but it was definitely drawing to a close, especially when Bella took my queen. Oddly enough, I hadn't even realized she was in danger as I sat back contentedly, sure that my pieces were safe for one more round. When Bella easily darted in with her bishop and knocked it over, I was stunned.

"What…how did you…"

She snorted.

I realized that now Bella was on the offensive. I had just one rook, a knight, and my king left. Bella had her queen, a bishop, her king, and a rook.

The game reached the five hour mark as Bella circled in for the kill. I realized that she knew exactly what she was doing, and also realized that if things continued in this way, it would only be a matter of time before she got my king. Already she had picked off my knight. Unfortunately, I couldn't think of a way to stop her. Damn vampire memory or else I would have knocked the pieces over and pretended to have forgotten where the pieces were. Jasper was going to be seriously annoying. I thought about claiming she cheated, but that would never work against _Bella_.

Then at five hours and twenty-nine minutes, Bella took my king for the second time and I lost. I would have sworn very loudly, but at that exact moment, Nessie and Jacob banged in through the front door, talking and laughing with each other.

Bella stood up from the table.

"Good game, Emmett," she said.

I grimaced, and forced out through my teeth, "Good game. Rematch, tomorrow."

I was unpleasantly reminded of all the times she had beaten me at arm-wrestling.

"So I have a question," I said casually as she walked away towards her daughter. "Did you know you were that good, or was that just a psych-out?"

"Why, Emmett!" she said with false indignation. "I would never resort to something so low as a _psych-out_!" She laughed and clasped her hands over her heart.

She walked away, and I was left looking at the remnants of the game in disgust.

**Please review! Also, any ideas for future chapters are greatly appreciated as well.**


	3. Chapter 3

**This chapter is a lot angstier than the last two have been. Be warned. Post-BD. **

"I just feel so _terrible_," Bella said pleadingly, her eyes bright red and heartbroken. "I mean…I _killed_ her."

"I know, dear. I know exactly how you feel. Just try and remember that you couldn't have done anything differently, it wasn't your fault," I said to her, though I knew my words of comfort would do nothing to soothe the pain she felt.

"But…I didn't mean to. I don't know what happened. I was hunting alone and…I guess I probably should have been more careful. Well, I _know_ I should have been more careful. But I thought that, because I'd done it before – smelled human blood while hunting, I mean – that, even if it happened again, I'd be able to resist. But I was _wrong_. And now she's _dead_."

Her voice broke, and my heart went out to her. I could empathize perfectly – I remembered that hollow, empty feeling when you knew you had done something so unforgivable that you were sure that you could never feel good about yourself again. I knew exactly what it was like to be so lost in the moment, so crazed with bloodlust that when it was over and someone lay dead in front of you, you knew that you couldn't have done anything any differently than you had. And that made it worse, in some ways, because if you could have resisted and didn't, you could at least have something to blame yourself for, to work on to ensure it never happened again. But when it was pure, uncontrollable instinct, and you knew that it wasn't your fault – well, it didn't make the grief any better, it only made you start to hate yourself for allowing yourself to become something that could kill and murder with heartless abandon. I knew all these feelings, because I had gone through them.

I had killed twice in my early days. Each one stood out in my memory – raw, unhealed marks of pain in what had been a mainly smooth and happy immortal life. In some ways, I knew it was easier for Bella than it was for me, because she had Edward. She knew she could go to him for comfort, that he would hold her and console her while she cried tearless sobs. Carlisle and I had been so early in our relationship – I had killed my first human just two weeks into my new life – and I was still so used to being unable to go to a man for any sort of comfort at all, that I had been alone in my grief. I had had to try and convince myself that I was not the deplorable, evil creature my heart was telling me I was, all the while afraid to look at Carlisle, lest he should see my red eyes and know what I had done. That he would suddenly change from the gentle creature I was trying to believe he was and turn into the violent, unpredictable Charles, if he knew that I had failed.

Of course he wouldn't have, I knew now. Of course he would have acted exactly like Edward would. Of course he would have helped me get over it. But I hadn't known that, and I had had to do it on my own. And now I could only imagine how much easier it would have been if I had had someone I could go to. So I was determined now, just as I had been with Rosalie, to make sure that Bella knew she could come to me. Though of course with Rosalie it had been unnecessary, as she had managed to never kill a human in her early days. Not for blood, at least, and she definitely hadn't wanted any comfort in killing for revenge.

"Bella, dear, believe me. I know exactly how it feels. I know that right now you feel you'll never forgive yourself, but you will. What you did was _not_ your fault. And I know that that might make you feel worse – I know it did for me – but it shouldn't. You won't do it again. You'll take so many more precautions now, that you'll never even come close to killing anyone again. You can get over this, Bella. I know you can."

I had certainly taken precautions, and they had worked. I had made sure there were no humans within fifty miles of me while I had been hunting. I had never gone alone, always with Carlisle or Edward. But just one time, I had gotten lazy. It was eleven months after I had been changed, and Carlisle and I had just gotten engaged. I had been so giddy with happiness that I had gotten lazy, had not done my usual thorough check of the area. I had paid the price. I had caught the scent of human and I was gone, lost in a red haze of pain and thirst. By the time Carlisle had caught up to me – I was still enough of a newborn to use my strength to be faster than he was – the man had been dead and I was crouching on the ground, staring in horror at the man I had just killed. The sight of another body, so cold and pale, eyes wide open and staring at me in fear, even though death had taken his vision from him...

Of course, that time Carlisle had been there for me. And it had been infinitely easier than before, even though it was more painful. Last time I had vowed to myself it would not happen again, and it had. I was a miserable excuse for a living creature, I told myself. Two murders in under a year! Two people who would never see their families again. Two families who would grieve, and never understand why they must grieve, while I would know forever exactly what I had done to inflict this unjust mourning on them.

In the present now, I could see Bella was not comforted. I hugged her fiercely, murmuring, "Oh, Bella". She looked at me again, and her eyes were more agonized than before. "But Esme…there was something else. Something I haven't told anyone – even Edward."

"Yes, dear?" I was slightly confused. What could be worse than killing a person? And yet there Bella was, trembling and…was she fearful of my reaction?

"It's…the girl I killed…she was – she was pregnant. I killed a baby, too."

Her lip quivered and she choked back a sob and I tried to keep my expression calm for her, not to let her see the turmoil that was suddenly whirring inside me.

Of course, the death of an unborn child would be tragic to anyone, but to Bella and I, both mothers ourselves, it was worse. We both knew that a child was the most precious miracle there was, and that killing one was as terrible a crime as slaughtering a roomful of innocents for no reason. Perhaps we were blinkered, perhaps every life was worth exactly the same, but for a mother, it was near impossible to see it that way. It was the utmost of crimes, and I knew that, did I not love Bella with all my heart, if she were a nomad I barely knew, I would find it hard to get over this impediment and forgive her. Of course I did for Bella – how could I not? – but killing a pregnant mother was so much worse than killing anybody else. Because it was two people, not one, two lives that had been ended, one before it even had a chance to start. I could see how Bella, more temperamental than I, would be feeling such utter self-loathing toward herself.

Bella's face crumpled. "I'm sorry, Esme, I just thought…I thought you would understand."

I hastened to reassure Bella that I was not angry with her now. Of course I understood! Of course I wouldn't push her away now that I knew this piece of information. I just needed a moment to mourn for the lost baby and her mother.

"I do understand, Bella, I really do. Just try not to think of it. Try to think of other things, dear. Happier things. Don't let yourself wallow."

"It's just…I keep thinking, what if that had been me, pregnant with Nessie? What would Edward have done? I mean, think of her husband! Think how he's feeling. I ruined his life. How can I ever get over that?"

"It won't be easy, Bella, it won't. But just try and remember that you couldn't have done anything. I know that doesn't help right now, but it should. And know that you can come talk to me at any time. Do you know how many I killed, in my early days as a vampire?"

Bella shook her head slowly.

"Two. The first, I was just two weeks old. And I felt that I couldn't go to anyone. That anyone I talked to would be disgusted by the mistake I had made. I couldn't get over it for years. It won't be like that for you. You have to understand that all of us, excluding Carlisle and Rosalie, know what it's like to slip up, know the remorse. And none of us will judge. We're all here for you, that's what Cullens do."

She leaned into my shoulder, and I put my arms around her. We sat with each other for a long time, a mother comforting her daughter, though neither of us could quite escape the shadow of the mother and child now gone.

**Thanks to TheSingingGirl. You rock!**


	4. Chapter 4

**I have _got_ to get better at updating this. My apologies for the two months. Jacob POV.**

I could not recall a point in life where I had been more nervous.

Except for when Bella had held Nessie for the first time after being turned vampire. And when I had volunteered for her to test her self-control on me. Stupid, now that I think about it. Though it wasn't like I regretted it or anything.

And when I had been listening in on Edward and Bella and I had found out they were engaged. I had been pretty nervous then too, not knowing what I was going to hear.

Also, I guess, when I had met Bella for the first time after she had moved to Forks from Phoenix. Or when Edward and I were helping Bella give birth to Nessie. That had been pretty nerve-wracking.

Okay, so I wasn't the most nervous I had ever been. But it was pretty close.

Because I knew both Bella and Edward would say the same thing. She was too young.

Nessie had just passed the six and a half year mark, which meant she had just under half a year of development left. If Nahuel had been any indication, he had appeared about twenty. Which meant Nessie was around seventeen or eighteen.

In other words, exactly as old as Bella and Edward had been. So really, they had no argument there.

At least, that was what I was trying to convince myself.

But what else could they use? That _I_ was too young? After all, I had been only sixteen when I started phasing. But that was ridiculous. It had been almost eight years since then. Which made me twenty-four. Which meant I was older than Edward's dad. And plus, like I said to Bella, I grew a hell of a lot before I started phasing, so really, I was like twenty five. Which was even older.

And that wasn't even taking into account when Bella agreed I was forty. But then again, that might be going a little far, seeing as how Nessie was still a minor.

Would they say Nessie hadn't had enough time to choose what she really wanted, that she had been rushed into it? She had grown up knowing what imprinting was, that I had done it on her. It wasn't like we had sprung it on her when she turned fourteen or whatever. But it had been only the last year that our relationship had been anything more than platonic.

Oh well. Obviously, I had to be prepared for anything they might say, in all degrees of ridiculousness. Because I was almost positive neither of them would want Nessie to marry me this soon.

I shivered just thinking about the coming conversation.

I knocked on the door to their room. Bella called for me to come in.

This was it.

I tried to hide what I was thinking so that they wouldn't get mad too quickly. I had to have a chance to butter them up first. Yeah, I had a plan. A pretty good plan, if you ask me. And if it went well, there was no chance they'd say no.

I hoped.

Personally, I thought the idea of going to the parents first to ask to marry their daughter was silly and outdated. But Edward was probably big on that type of thing. No need to anger him unnecessarily. He had probably asked Charlie weeks before he asked Bella.

I laughed internally at the thought of that conversation. _Um, hi, Charlie. I know you hate me and everything for leaving Bella, but will you give me her hand in marriage? She's only eighteen, remember. _Too bad I hadn't been there.

I opened the door to Bella and Edward's room. They were sprawled on the bed. Bella was reading. Edward was staring, either at the book or at her, I couldn't tell.

Phase One was about to begin. Flatter them.

"Hi, guys. Bella, I like your, er, hair today."

She looked at me, surprised, and laughed. "Thanks? I like your hair today, too."

Edward, however, wasn't buying any of it. He was suspicious.

"Jacob, what do you want?"

Huh. My relations with Edward were usually better than that. Maybe he had been waiting for this moment for a while. Maybe he had been about to engage in something slightly less innocent than book reading.

Or maybe it was the fact I was thinking in Quileute, a language he had never bothered to learn. That might have tipped him off that something was up. Stupid, really, for him not to have learned it. It was one of the only surefire ways I had of blocking my thoughts from him.

Whatever way you interpreted his words, Phase One was a failure. Crap. That had been one of the higher points of my ingenious plan.

"Well, I have something I'd like to ask...'' I started awkwardly, skipping Phase Two: Banter Lightly and heading straight for Phase Three: Ask Them Casually, although I was kind of butchering the casual part. I had no idea what to say. Maybe that would have been a better way to prepare, rather than thinking up phases. Huh.

"Yes, Jake?" Bella prompted.

"Er...can I ask Nessie to marry me?" I blurted.

Bella looked shocked. Obviously, she hadn't been expecting this at all. Edward looked disgusted.

"She's _way_ too young," Edward said. Bella nodded in agreement.

"She's as old as you were," I pointed out.

"She's not even seven yet," Bella informed me, like I didn't already know.

I rolled my eyes and explained my reasoning to them. How, using Nahuel, I had deducted that Nessie was eighteen and that I was older than Carlisle. It was a mark of how angry Edward was that he didn't even crack a smile at that. I thought it was pretty funny. "So really, she's as old as you were. Plenty old enough to get married. And did I mention how great parents you two have been to her?" I added on suavely.

At least that's how I hoped it sounded.

It had sounded better in my head.

"Have you asked _her_ yet?" Edward asked.

Woah. This surprised me. This was not in my plan. Damn you for being so unpredictable, Edward Cullen! Was he seriously going to get mad at me for not asking her first? Would he think I was disrespecting her or something?

"Um, no? I thought you were supposed to ask the dad first..." I confessed. And here I was, thinking I was doing the right thing by asking them.

Edward sighed. "You are. I just didn't think _you'd_ think of that. I didn't."'

"_What_? The _perfect_ Edward Cullen didn't follow the rules?"

Note to self: don't make fun of the father of your maybe-fiancée while you're asking him for his daughter's hand.

"Jacob, did you buy her a ring?" Bella asked.

"Yes...yes, of course I did!" I said indignantly. I pulled it out of my pocket. It was gorgeous, if I do say so myself. A white gold band with a large diamond inset, surrounded by a spray of smaller diamonds.

"Oh, Jake..." Bella breathed. "It's gorgeous!"

"Isn't it though?" I asked proudly. It had taken nearly all of the money Bella had given me for taking Nessie away, should the encounter with the Volturi not have gone so nicely. Bella had very conveniently forgotten - or maybe not forgotten, I didn't know - to ask for it back. I had been saving it for a rainy day. Okay, fine. I'd been saving it for a ring from the start, even though I didn't yet know how our relationship would develop.

"If you got a ring..." Bella started to say, "You must be fairly positive that we'll say yes. Haven't you been together for just a year?"

"A year, a month, and two days," I corrected softly, allowing my mind to go back to that ethereal moment where my lips had first met Nessie's.

"Aren't you...rushing things a little?" she questioned sharply.

Ha! Finally, an argument I had expected and prepared for. "If I remember right, you announced your wedding in June...after you had been together for just over a year. Right after going through a six-month separation. So really, you and Edward had had just seven months to be sure of what you wanted. Are you saying you regret your decision? That you don't want Nessie to make the same mistakes you did?"

"No, of course not! Don't be stupid, Jake," Bella snapped.

I knew she was only mad because I hadn't let her get away with her hypocritical claims.

"Jacob," Bella said, " You need to work on your public speaking skills, did you know that?"

I could have laughed with relief. Bella was about to say yes! I was sure of it.

"Yeah, I know," I admitted, repressing the urge to add something witty or sarcastic. No need to push my luck.

I waited in anticipation for the words that were sure to be coming next: _Okay, fine, we give your our blessing._

Bella sighed. "Okay, fine, we give your our blessing."

_Yes!_ My mind exploded in glee. I could not recall a moment where I had been happier. And this time it was really true.

Edward growled. Crap. Obviously he didn't agree with Bella. "Bella, no! She's only seventeen! She can't get _married _yet!"

"But why not, Edward?" asked Bella soothingly, rubbing her hand over his tense shoulders. "You were seventeen. I was eighteen. We don't regret getting married that young. And remember, Nessie still has the choice. This isn't final. You or I can talk with her and make sure she's not getting rushed into this.

"You do realize that, don't you, Jacob?" Bella asked, turning her attention toward me. "That just because we say yes doesn't mean she will? Don't get your hopes up too high just yet."

Jeez, Bella. Way to burst my bubble. It was cool, though. I was positive she'd say yes. Bella didn't know how serious we were. Nessie loved me. I obviously loved her.

"Bella," Edward said slowly, eyes tortured in indecision. "I don't see why we have to agree now. What's the rush? It's not like there's a deadline or anything, like there was for us."

"Edward, why not? If they love each other and they're sure they're never going to want anything else, why not? Why wait?"

Yes! Bella was totally convinced! It was only a matter of time before Edward agreed, now.

Edward sighed. He hesitated. He pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers and thought. Bella hugged him, resting her chin on his shoulder. She kissed his neck.

I waited. Agonized over what he would say.

"Please, Edward?" Bella and I said at the same time. We looked at each other and tried to hold back laughter.

Finally, _finally_, Edward said slowly, "If it's all right with Bella, I....I guess it's all right with me." He sounded defeated. Poor guy.

Not that I had much sympathy for him at the moment. I was going to ask Nessie to marry me! We were going to be married!

Finally, I instituted Phase Five: Thank Them, nodding like a bobblehead and saying, "Thank you thank you thank you!" It wasn't really how I'd planned it - I'd been thinking of a calm, controlled, "Thank you" and then a nice slow walk out of the room - but I was so weak with relief that I couldn't help myself. I didn't think Edward would agree to it, there at the end.

Phase Six: Exit While Showing Gratitude was a success. How could it not be? They said yes! I'm going to marry Nessie!

**Many thanks as as always to TheSingingGirl. Here's another limerick for you.**

**There once was a girl named Hannah,  
And her last name was Montana.  
She liked to read fanfics  
TheSingingGirl was her pick,  
And so she gave the Girl a cabana.**

**Eh. Not as good as my last one, in my opinion. Oh well.**

**Also - I started a community, Finally Some Canon. I'm actually trying to delete, but as I can't figure out how, right now it's still up. If you know how to delete it, please tell me. If you're into canon stories, check it out. If you wanna help with it, let me know.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Much thanks and appreciation to TheSingingGirl, without whom this chapter would be suckish. Even though we both have doctors for parents, she apparently knows infinitely more about the medical world than I do. Or at least remembers a lot more while writing :-P. Anyway. Carlisle POV. **

Bella was crying. She had cried often enough during the last few days. She had reason to, I supposed. Edward all but breaking down in front of her, the knowledge that he and I both wanted to kill the child inside her, and the pain that she tried desperately to keep from us but was ridiculously obvious to everyone.

And the knowledge that she would probably die, though she wouldn't listen to that.

Her tears were not large or showy; rather, her eyes were rimmed in red, puffed up and swollen, and her cheeks were wet, but only occasionally did an actual tear drip down her cheeks.

Edward kept company with her every moment, of course, but anyone could see the hesitance with which he touched his wife, the wince that accompanied each touch, the tightening around his eyes that occurred whenever he so much as looked upon Bella.

I knew that I desperately needed to talk with Bella, to make sure she knew all the facts from a nonbiased standpoint; a standpoint that neither Edward nor Bella had given Bella so far. I knew that neither Edward nor Rosalie would leave her long enough for a conversation. It was not optimal but unavoidable. I could only ask that neither of them would interject during our conversation.

I also knew that even my opinion would be far from free of bias. I had too much vested interest in the case, and while as a doctor I was duty bound to value each life as equal, I could not equate the loss of one unborn child with the loss of my first son and my newest daughter. We all knew that both these lives were hanging in the balance here.

What was more, I didn't know how to talk with her. Though she might have already come to terms with and accepted that she would most likely die, that was never easy news to give. Luckily, I hadn't had much experience giving that sort of prediction, but the few cases where it was necessary had been devastating - for me, at least.

However, I could understand, to a degree, Bella's decision. Esme, after all, had wanted to die when her child had died. It would make sense that Bella would be willing to die to ensure her child lived. But that did not mean I could condone it. If I had more information, if I just knew what exactly was inside her, whether it had a heartbeat or was of human strength, if I just knew that much…Then perhaps we could move forward, albeit _very_ cautiously. But right at this moment there were too many unknown factors, and too many foreboding factors which had already made themselves apparent.

The accelerated growth was disturbing, but did not, to the best of my calculations, provide any danger to Bella, unless the birth itself was too accelerated for her body to handle. That was a moot point, anyway; no matter what Bella and Rosalie said, I - and I was sure Edward would agree - would _not_ allow Bella to go through natural childbirth.

Another serious problem was Bella's inability to keep anything down. Already, though we had fed her routinely, her body had not received any real nourishment for three days, since she had returned from Isle Esme. And according to Edward, she had been throwing up for almost two days before that. If another few days went by and Bella still could not successfully ingest anything, an IV would be necessary, but I had my doubts that feeding her intravenously would make much difference. Perhaps this was pessimistic on my part, but while it seemed that her digestive system was simply rejecting all food, it was possible that her entire body was refusing it, in which case an IV would be utterly useless and possibly harmful. If my theories were correct, she would die of starvation before the fetus was fully developed.

What really worried me were the bruises, that had appeared early this morning, while Bella was still sleeping. Edward watched them form during the night, calling me to his side while Bella slept, as he was unwilling to leave her side even when she couldn't miss him. Edward had refused point-blank to allow Rosalie to share the room with them, and though Rose had put up a great fuss, in the end she had agreed, very sulkily, to spend the night just outside the door, ever vigilant for any sound of Edward trying to save Bella without her consent.

Bella's sleep had been very light; Edward said she had been jerking and whimpering softly in her sleep, which had caused him to gently lift up her shirt and make sure she was okay, though of course she wasn't.

Rosalie's stoic reaction to the bruises was disturbing; it was as though she had closed her mind to anything that might happen to Bella - the baby was all that mattered.

She had cried when we had shown them to her, but not because of the pain. I knew too well that that didn't bother her in the slightest. No, she had cried because she knew Edward and I would press only that much harder to let us take it out of her. And she hated hurting Edward.

But the fact that this fetus was already strong enough to cause physical damage to Bella's human body - that suggested the baby was more than human. Considerably more than human. And if it had inherited all of a vampire's traits, it seemed almost impossible that Bella could survive the pregnancy.

Bella had to know this already. She was being blinded by Rosalie's desperate blind reassurances, when Rosalie, who had been to medical school herself, knew at least as well as I did how dangerous this was. She was making Bella pay the price for something she would give anything to have.

The fourth and perhaps the worst of the factors we were working with was that we were not able to get any sort of information about what she was carrying at all. The vampire skin that was apparently surrounding the fetus wouldn't even allow a needle to pass through it, making it impossible to gather amniotic fluid and any information at all, since the ultrasound could not pass through the skin either. If I had been able to get any fluid, the difference that could have made! Though it would not provide enough information to make Bella's endeavor safe, it would have at least made it less dangerous. But no - there was nothing.

The bottom line was that Bella did not know what a dangerous journey she was embarking on, and as a doctor it was my responsibility to make sure she was fully aware. The natural conclusion I hoped she would draw from the straight facts I would give her would be to abort the pregnancy immediately, but it was not my place at this moment to slant the facts my way.

Bella sat on the couch, silently crying. Rosalie sat beside her, holding her hand. Edward stood behind her, stroking her hair. The atmosphere was silent, and so stressful that the air seemed almost thick with it. Nobody spoke.

Edward's eyes were focused with burning intensity on me. Of course had been listening to my entire thought process. He nodded once.

"Bella."

The word nearly echoed in the room. Rosalie glared at me, anticipating what I wanted to say. Bella looked up at me and sniffed.

"Yes, Carlisle?"

"Bella," I said, unsure how to continue, "I know that you are dead set on continuing this pregnancy to term, but I implore you, let me tell you exactly what you are getting yourself into. Maybe it won't change your mind, and that's fine, but I can't let you continue until you know the facts."

Rosalie, to my surprise, did not object, though I could feel her gaze boring into my head.

Bella thought for only a moment. "All right, Carlisle," she finally said wearily. "But it won't change my mind."

"I'm not asking for you to do that," I said, and it was true. I was simply hoping for it with all my heart. "I'm only asking you to listen."

I stood up from my chair near the couch and knelt by her. I reached for her hand. It was cold and clammy. I did a quick calculation and figured that it had been just over six hours since she had last eaten. After this conversation, we would try again.

"First of all, Bella, if the rate of growth of the fetus continues at this rate, your pregnancy will continue for just under two more weeks. You have not been able to keep anything down - and therefore your body has not received any nutrition - for five days. If this continues to be as it is, you will starve to death before the pregnancy comes to term."

"I thought the human body could survive without food for three weeks?" Bella interrupted, with the air of clutching at straws.

I shook my head. "If your body was completely without strain, then yes. However, that's clearly not the case here. This, of course, means the fetus will die too."

Bella winced at the bad news. I wished that she was wincing because of her impending death, but I was afraid it was the death of her child that pained her.

"Isn't there any other way that would work better?" she asked quietly. Edward snorted, very, very quietly. His hands no longer moved through her hair. Bella either didn't hear him or chose to ignore him.

"If worst comes to worst, we can try an intravenous feed, but honestly, Bella, I don't see how that would work any better. I would not count on that method."

She nodded seriously, and I could see fear her in her eyes. If only I knew for what…

"You should also know," I said, "that even if we do find another way to feed you, your body will not be able to take the beating that the fetus is giving you."

"It's not beating me," Bella disagreed. "He's just moving, he's just too strong…"

"Of course he doesn't mean to do it," I hastened to assure her, "it's just the natural movement as the fetus develops. But that natural movement is too strong for you."

Bella rolled her eyes. "Bruises, who cares?" she questioned flippantly. "I can survive bruises for two more weeks."

"Bella, since the fetus is this strong this early, his strength will increase only exponentially from now on. What leaves bruises now could very potentially break bones, cause internal bleeding…the destruction it could cause, quite by accident, could be very devastating to your body, Bella."

"I can survive that," Bella said. "I can survive all those things. My heart will keep beating."

"But that's just it, it _won't_," I stressed. Why could she not understand what I was _telling_ her? "Your body cannot sustain that type of injury for too long! Bella, please, listen to me: _you will die_."

"You don't know that," Bella said bitterly, her eyes determined. Her hand moved to her stomach, already swollen so she no longer fit into her clothes.

"That's right," Rosalie said, jumping to Bella's defense. "There is no evidence to suggest that this will be fatal-"

"Of course there is,_ Rosalie_," said Edward harshly, jumping in. "All the evidence-"

"_There is no evidence_," she hissed. "Emmett and Jasper haven't been able to find anything, have they? As far as we can tell, this has never happened before -"

"The woman on the island said -"

"The woman on the island," insisted Rosalie, cutting Edward off again, "Told you from the _legends_ of her tribe. There was no _fact_ in what she knew."

"There is no _fact _in what you _think_ you know, either," Edward informed her. "You're guessing, but your guess will end up with Bella dead-"

"Edward, Rosalie," I cut in firmly. "_Stop_. Please do not distract Bella. Right now, I am giving her the facts. Only the facts."

"Biased, slanted facts that are intended to make her change her mind," Rosalie snapped.

"No, Rosalie. Facts intended to educate her so she knows exactly what she is getting into."

"All right, then," she said. "You've given your _facts_. Bella, have you changed your mind?"

"No. I'm not killing the baby. And I'm not going to die, either."

Dejection washed through me. I hadn't thought that she would change her mind, but the hope was still there that she would. Now that she hadn't, the next two weeks seemed hopeless, a time that could be cut short at any moment when Bella's heart gave out and she and the baby died.

It seemed a horrible tragedy that Bella could not see that if she died, the baby would die too. Then what would we have gained? Nothing, only lost the life of a beautiful woman, and the will to live of another.

"Bella," I said, knowing she would not agree but unable to resist trying, "If your condition becomes too critical, do I have your permission to save your life?"

"You mean by killing another?" she asked sharply.

"It would mean terminating the fetus, yes."

"No. Of course not."

"Your baby would die anyway."

"I don't care. How could I survive, knowing I had killed him?"

I sighed. "Please, Bella-"

"Carlisle," she interrupted, sighing, her eyes closed. "Nothing you can say will make me kill my baby. Please, I'm tired. Just let me sleep and try to keep me and the baby as healthy as possible. And don't worry. I won't die."

She sounded so self-assured; I wished I could be the same. Wearily, I stood up and retreated back to my chair. I had tried. That was all I could do.

**Reviews make me so happy. First day of school tomorrow, so lots of reviews would cheer me up. Grr...I hate school.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry it's so short. Bella's POV. A continuation of chapter...four, was it? I dunno, the one with Jacob and B&E.**

I had to find Renesmee. I had promised Edward I would.

At first, he had insisted that we both go speak with her, but I had told him that she would lock down and not listen to him, that she would automatically assume he was going to be angry and yell at her about what she had chosen. Which he probably would have done, if he had the choice. She would listen to me, her mother, much more easily. I was sure of it.

But of course, that meant now I had to talk to her. Alone.

She had definitely inherited her temper from her father. She was quick to anger and, when she was, it was as black as storm cloud of tar Obviously, she would not appreciate me trying to talk her out of marrying Jacob. Technically, though, that wasn't what I was doing. I was only making sure this was what she truly wanted. If only she would interpret it that way. She was a teenage girl who knew her parents didn't entirely like her other reaction could she have, other than anger and defensiveness?

I crept guiltily around the house, not knowing exactly where she was and too cowardly to ask anyone, because that would mean I would have to go there immediately instead of finding some excuse and talking myself out of it.

On my third trip through the living room, Esme finally asked from the couch, "Bella, what are you looking for?"

"Oh," I mumbled, embarrassed, "Just Nessie. I have to talk with her."

"About the engagement?" Esme asked knowingly.

_Pssh…no_, I wanted to say. _Of course not. I'm going to go ask her whether she wants to…go shoe shopping with me. Yeah, shoe shopping. Because you know I love doing that so much._

But because I apparently couldn't think of a better excuse than _shoe shopping_, lying to Esme was not meant to be.

Slowly, I nodded.

"I promised Edward I'd make sure she was totally okay with it," I confessed.

Esme smiled. "I can imagine how that conversation will go. She truly inherited her father's temper."

"I know…So if you, like, were to tell me she was visiting Kate and Tanya in Maine, when, actually, she's upstairs in her room…well, that wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing," I said hopefully.

She smiled softly again. "She's in Maine, then, visiting Kate and Tanya."

"She's upstairs?"

"Yes."

"Fine, then. Thank you, Esme."

"You're welcome."

Damn it all, that was why I hadn't wanted to talk to anyone in the first place. Now I had to go.

Slowly, I walked up the steps, at a real human pace.

I knocked with a growing sense of dread.

"Nessie?" I said softly.

"Bella?"

I shook my head. It had been upwards of a year, but I still couldn't get used to hearing my daughter address me with my given name. For the first few years of life she'd called me Mama and Edward Daddy, of course, and Carlisle and Esme Grandma and Grandpa, and had even dutifully put an Aunt or an Uncle before everyone else for more than five years. Then, all at once, she started slipping, leaving out the Aunt when talking to Alice and the Uncle when talking to Emmett. Just a few days after that, Grandma and Grandpa became Carlisle and Esme. Edward and I raised eyebrows over it, and even spent a few moments discussing it during our nightly escapades, but decided to let it go.

Then, a month later, Edward and I were stripped of our Mommy and Daddy status and became Bella and Edward. I absolutely hated it. It sounded strange coming off her lips, and in my opinion was totally inappropriate. Edward was only slightly less extreme than I was. We had even devoted a whole night to discussing it, before coming to the conclusion that we'd much prefer it if she still called us Mom and Dad.

In fact, that was one of the biggest arguments we had had with Nessie in all six years.

"Do you call Esme _mom_?" she had spat, infuriated, at Edward and I when we confronted her about it. "Do you call Carlisle _dad_? No!"

"That's different," I had said. "We're not flesh-and-blood."

"Neither are you and me," Nessie had pointed out. "You have no blood, and technically, you have no flesh either."

"Nessie."

She was being ridiculous, but then again, she was about thirteen.

The upshot of it all was, she got to keep calling us Edward and Bella. But that didn't mean I didn't shudder every time I heard her call me that.

"Nessie, I have to talk to you," I said opening the door to her room now.

I stepped in, only to see her hastily jamming her new ring back onto her finger. It was obvious she had just been admiring it.

"It better not be about the engagement," she said suspiciously, guessing my motives. Or maybe Jacob had warned her? But despite her frown, I could see her eyes light up with the word _engagement_.

"Actually, yeah."

"Come _on_," she said, rolling her eyes. "Jake warned me about this."

Aha! The culprit is found. She _had_ been tipped off.

"Well, really, Ness, don't you think you're rushing this just a little bit? You've only been dating a year…"

"I love him, Mom," she said, sucking up and using the term I knew she preferred. "How long did it take you to realize you loved Edward? About three seconds," she continued, answering her own question.

"Not three seconds. More like three months."

"Whatever, the point is, I love Jake. So what's the point in waiting?"

"Maybe because you're a junior in high school?"

"So we move. It's not like we weren't going to anyway, sooner or later."

"Nessie, you look even younger than I do. You can't just marry Jake and then go off on your own as a married couple."

"Who says that's what we were going to do?" she said sharply. "Maybe we'll just start high school over again with all of you."

"You haven't even finished it the first time."

"You're missing the point."

She was right. I was supposed to be talking to her about whether she was sure of her decision, not quarrel over the fine details of afterward.

"I know I am. The point is, are you're sure you're ready for that kind of commitment?"

"Jake imprinted on me. I have to be."

"No, you don't," I said. "You don't _have_ to be anything."

I had said close to the same thing to Edward about my transformation, and he had responded almost exactly the same way. Like mother, like daughter, I guess. Feeling obligated for something when it was our own free will.

"So what am I supposed to say? 'Sorry, Jake, I know you're going to spend the rest of your life pining over me, but I don't want to marry you?'"

"That's the whole point of imprinting, Nessie. He'll be whatever you want him to be."

"But he'd _prefer_ I'd be his lover."

"Well…not necessarily."

"Yes, necessarily," she said angrily. "Bella, it'll crush him if I go back on my word."

"Then maybe you shouldn't have said yes so quickly," I snapped, finally breaking.

There was silence. When I saw real pain in her eyes, I softened.

"Look, I'm sorry," I said brusquely. "But, everything else aside, do you love Jake? Love because you want to, not because you have to? Would _you _prefer to be _his _lover? That's all it comes down to. If the answer is yes, then I'll leave you alone about it. We'll hammer out the details later. But please, just give your dad and I that peace of mind."

"Yes. I love him," she said. Her eyes were hard, her voice firm.

There was silence again. Awkward silence.

"Okay," I finally sighed, defeated. "Fine. Marry Jake."

More silence. Still awkward.

I guess I'll go tell Edward…" Slowly, I got up and headed for the door.

"What a fun conversation that'll be," she said sarcastically, grinning. "See you later, Mom."

"See you later, Nessie," I said, and I was back to square one - going to talk to someone who really wouldn't take kindly to what I had to say.


End file.
